39 Things I Have Learned As I Prepare to Turn 40
May 26th, 2008
How old are you? What are some of the life experiences that you have been through and what have YOU learned?
I don’t turn 40 for another month and half but while I was out running yesterday I started to think about all of the stuff that I have witnessed, learned, and been exposed to during my thirty nine years.
There are many people out there who are far more sage than I ever will be! However, one thing I really enjoy is to hear about, and learn from, what other people have experienced. As I head towards forty I thought I would just jot down some of what I have learned.
Please note, the ideas expressed below are purely my own and are not meant to offend in any way, but they are a reflection of what I have observed during the reality of my life thus far.
- You can’t remove an arrow from someone’s head in the middle of the rainforest with a pair of Swiss army knife tweezers.
- If you don’t believe in yourself chances are nobody else will either.
- No matter what you do or how nice you are some people are NOT going to like you and that’s okay.
- Acts of kindness can come from people you hardly know.
- Public speaking is easy, effectively communicating your message to an audience takes hard work.
- At the end of the day there will always be someone who is more intelligent, more creative, and better looking than you are so just do the best you can.
- If you are not living in a war torn, drought ridden, famine experiencing country you should consider yourself lucky and be thankful every day.
- If you don’t like yourself today start tomorrow by acknowledging that you are a good person.
- Although it can be intimidating it’s okay to pursue your OWN path to happiness.
- Travel will change you in ways you never expected.
- Failure sucks! But, not trying sucks even more.
- Some of the nastiest human beings I have ever met presented themselves as all knowing religious zealots (I am not saying ALL).
- In most circumstances being a good listener is much more important than being a good talker.
- Flying through a mountainous country in a small old plane with rain and wind pouring through the windows can make a grown man want to kiss the ground.
- Sooner or later you must be willing to take a risk.
- Bad things can happen to good people.
- Your pet just might be smarter than than you are.
- Four legged rats are a fury nuisance, it’s the two legged rats that are dangerous.
- Shitty jobs can be a great motivator.
- Even a little bit of exercise everyday can make you feel better.
- You can’t take your money with you when you go so go ahead and take that trip, sabbatical, or mini-retirement.
- Some days are just not going to be pleasant and that is where goals and passion can help you to maintain focus.
- There are some incredible, amazing, and truly inspirational people out there.
- Often it will be the people who have the least that will offer you the most.
- If you have a great idea, but feel overwhelmed and intimidated at the possibility of implementing it, don’t be afraid to collaborate with others.
- Life is short, quit making excuses and get on with it.
- Frustration is worse than fear.
- Many people will expect you to fail. They don’t necessarily want you to fail, but they do not believe you will succeed, either.
- It is impossible to be productive if you spend all day reading about how to be productive.
- It’s not fair but, success in most circumstances comes down to who you know and not what you know.
- Some goals take a long, LONG time to achieve.
- Never turn your back on the ocean (…it can break your ankle!).
- It does not take that much effort to be nice to someone.
- Buying more stuff does not necessarily lead to more happiness.
- If you get a funny feeling about someone right off the bat then your initial gut feeling is usually correct.
- Clinical depression and mental illness aside, we have the ability to make a conscious choice every day to be happy or miserable.
- We have the power to believe.
- Somewhere in your late 30’s your days of effortless running (for exercise) start to decline.
- Racism, xenophobia, homophobia, and fear and hate mongering SUCK! There is no place for it in society.
How about you? What have you learned thus far in your life…please educate me as I look forward to turning forty.
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May 26th, 2008 at 8:27 pm
Happy Birthday, Mark!!!!
Great post and thanks for the mention. I will be turning 38 years old in about 2 weeks (June 12th). They say, “Time Flies when you are Having Fun”. That must be the case because it sure has flown by for me.
Shana
May 26th, 2008 at 8:30 pm
Hi Mark,
Fantastic rules to live by! To figure out all these rules and only be 39 years young :) I really like #36… I try to live that rule every day.
May 26th, 2008 at 9:14 pm
Fantastic list, Mark! Having just turned 33, I’ve been reflecting on some of these thoughts already, and now you’ve given me some more to think about.
May 26th, 2008 at 11:00 pm
I’ll turn 28 this year, so I’m lagging behind by about 10 years…
Great thoughts, and great links! I hope that when I get to 40, I can be as wise as you. I’ll wish you happy birthday in a month and a half :)
May 26th, 2008 at 11:30 pm
What an awesome list! I just turned a year older too. Interestingly, it wasn’t so much the age that made me reflect, it’s more of the events. Thank you for sharing, Mark. And not to forget.
Happy Birthday!
Cheers,
Ellesse
May 27th, 2008 at 7:39 am
What a coincidence I turn 40 July 4th.
The most important thing I have learned after my almost 40 years is:
“It’s your life, do what you want with it.”
May 27th, 2008 at 1:39 pm
Happy Upcoming Birthday!
I am also going to be 40 this summer - in about 2 months. I’ve been thinking a lot about what I have and haven’t accomplished. I’ve been trying to focus on the positive … what I do like better about growing older is knowing myself and not caring what other people think of me.
May 27th, 2008 at 4:13 pm
*Hi Shana - Alright! You have two weeks to put your list. :) And THANK you for the Stumble!
*Hi Al - Yes #36…there was a time many years ago (probably over 20 years now) when I decided that I am going to make a conscious decision to *be happy* and I think it makes a difference. THANK you too for the Stumble…all the traffic I can gain now will help when we launch our humanitarian project in the very near future.
May 27th, 2008 at 4:17 pm
*Hi Hunter - Since you just turned 33 I would be very interested to hear what some of your major lessons have been so far. I think I was living in American Samoa when I was 33 and doing contract GIS work for the government.
*Hi Jarkko - I can’t believe you are only 28! And I think you are already wiser than me. (Thank you for the Stumble).
May 27th, 2008 at 4:59 pm
*Hi Ellesse - Congrats on turning a year older! We are waiting for your list, too. :)
*Hi Stephen - I like your motto! It’s true, more people should be doing what they want…
*Hey Kim - Thank you for stopping by. Congrats for reaching the point of not caring about what other people think. I haven’t cared about what other people think for a long time and I think it has served me well. ;)
May 27th, 2008 at 5:14 pm
This is a great list, as as I get closer to 40 I see much more clearly that it is of the utmost importance to be true to yourself.
May 27th, 2008 at 8:06 pm
28, 40, what’s the difference? :) Seriously, though, you’re an inspiration.
I still often find myself caring too much about what other people think - and although I realize it’s holding me back, it’s not easy for me to let go of it… But I hope that by the time I turn 40 I will have learned that lesson as well…
May 28th, 2008 at 7:09 am
Awesome list, Mark! (Great new theme too.)
My contribution: The best way to learn something is to work with someone who is really good at it.
May 28th, 2008 at 3:39 pm
Really dope list!
We assume that as we get older we get wiser. But sometimes we just get more stubborn and closed minded. Children & teens are sometimes far wiser than adults. So open your hearts and listen to them!
May 28th, 2008 at 4:26 pm
*Hi Chica Dificil - solid points you make!
May 28th, 2008 at 7:31 pm
Hey Mark,
Great life’s lessons list. I’ll be 36 this year.
I like the new look here it fits well.
Be careful what you wish for, you may actually get it.
negative people can suck the life right out of you, only if you take stock in what they say
May 29th, 2008 at 5:56 am
Well I’m already past the big Four-O, actually I’m 41.
Here’s a few more lessons that I’ve learnt:
- Don’t think that you can drink as much on your 40th birthday as you did on your 21st.
- You now have a reason to splurge some hard-earned cash on that “mid life crisis” sports car, Harley or cover yourself in tatts.
- Look after your health
May 30th, 2008 at 9:12 am
I will never accept that some people are not going to like me.
Me? But I am so likable!
;)
Seriously, I’m a people pleaser so this is a tough one for me. But I have 3 more years until I turn 40. Maybe I will finally let go of the need to be LIKED once I hit the big 4-0.
Thanks for an interesting thought.
May 30th, 2008 at 5:59 pm
I am 59 turning 60, and guess what - the list doesn’t change all that much. Something to look forward to, eh?
May 30th, 2008 at 6:38 pm
Hey happy 40th!
That said, i liked what you have said in your post. I’m only 22 (that probably seems very young to you) but let me tell you i have lived a lot and travelled a whole lot more.
So i just want to say “cheers” i guess. I have no opinion to share with you but i liked your post.
Take care,
Patricio
June 1st, 2008 at 2:35 pm
I just turned 46 yesterday (May 31), but wanted you to know that this list both reminded me of many of the things that I already knew and had chosen to ignore or ‘forget’, and at the same time inspired me deeply. Thanks from an ‘old guy’ and remember that life truly does begin at 40!!! Have a Blessed day! - Gary
June 1st, 2008 at 6:57 pm
Fantastic post Mark! One of best I’ve read. Thanks for sharing it all. :)
They are all things that I know make sense, but there are a lot of them that I still need to truly “learn.” I suppose experience is the only real teacher for some things.
June 1st, 2008 at 9:15 pm
I turn 48 this month and had an experience and learned a few things this weekend from a large group of kids in Dallas. Read this and learn as well -
http://thecenturytreereader.com/2008/06/01/strange-experience-over-the-weekend-i-am-older-than-i-thought-a-kon-rules/
June 2nd, 2008 at 6:54 am
*Hi Sonny - thanks for dropping by and good luck turning 36!
*Hi Jason - some insightful words of wisdom…following your advice I think I am going to splurge on a surf trip this summer. :)
*Hey Vered - I am sure everyone does like you!
June 2nd, 2008 at 7:55 am
*Hi Judy - I am glad to hear that the list does not change all that much…
*Hey Patra - actually 22 does not seem that young to me…in fact, in my head I still think I am 21. :)
*Thanks Gary for your input!!
June 2nd, 2008 at 7:59 am
*Hey Michael - I am really glad you like the post!! And yes, I would agree, “experience is the only real teacher for some things.”
That’s why I know I still have a LOT to learn.
June 3rd, 2008 at 8:00 am
Excellent observations, all.
June 3rd, 2008 at 9:59 am
Great post! I’m a couple of years away myself. It would be great if we could transfer all this knowledge to our kids earlier, but it seems we are destined to learn many things sometimes the hard way on our own. :-)
June 5th, 2008 at 11:38 am
Great info, and thanks for the comment over at ViperChill (p.s. this niche is my other passion and I have another blog going live soon).
I especially like the comment about reading can only get you so far, you aren’t going to be productive if you just keep reading about it ;)
Good work!
June 5th, 2008 at 5:18 pm
Hi Mark,
Thanks for the insight into a 40 year old dude’s time on the planet :)
Its important to think consciously about what we have learnt in life, otherwise its all too easy to forget and end up repeating old mistakes.
All the best
Steve
June 8th, 2008 at 5:15 am
Great list.
I’m 45, and truly, my list would be very much the same as yours.
I think the most important one for me personally, is to be who you really are. Don’t try to live up to someone else’s expectations, don’t pretend you like something which you do not like. Be you, not the shadowy image of someone else’s idea of what is perfect.
That, and remember to be thankful for what you have in your life. Many people do not have what we take for granted. Love, companionship, homes to live in. Be grateful every day.
Now, I’m off to make my own list!
Happy birthday to be, by the way!
June 8th, 2008 at 8:21 am
A very Happy upcoming Birthday Mark.. what a wonderful list and great reminders…
Life sure is unpredictable and shorter than we think it is, so doing all we can to be happy and helpful should start as early as possible, which is NOW of course
thanks for the list - I need to make one for myself today
June 8th, 2008 at 3:22 pm
Great list, Mark!
I especially liked the lesson about the arrow and the tweezers.
Here’s one of my lessons:
Don’t force a horse to jump into a stream - it might have spotted quicksand.
This lesson refers to an experience on a horse in Columbia. I kicked the stubborn thing and made it jump into a stream. Next thing it had sunk into quicksand until only its head was showing -oh, not a good moment!
We both made it out alive in the end though:-)
June 8th, 2008 at 3:47 pm
@Everyone - THANK you for your kind comments!! If I did not respond directly to your comment personally, I apologize.
I have been rather preoccupied lately with trying to legally structure my upcoming project and keep all phases progressing forward…
If any of you construct your own list please let me know as I would really like to read about what other’s come up with!
June 9th, 2008 at 11:27 am
One thing I finally have become more adept at, is a better understanding and use of the powers of perception.
I can empathize better with others if I try to perceive things with an open mind, putting myself in their shoes. For instance,
pictures circulated a few years ago of a child drinking urine from a cow in an arid setting. My thoughts were of immediate disgust and revolt. Not only because of the photo, It was constantly commented on in very racist manners.
It’s only when you yourself are dehydrated, and living in a desert with poisoned water wells and no hope of fresh water tomorrow that you understand why this child would drink cow pee. Urine is sterile. It’s still nasty to us, as well as him. But he can drink it without dying.
Perception changes our reality. Einstein’s theory was correct in more than just a Physics level.
This knowledge and understanding have helped me more than I can adequately express. I don’t get angry when someone honks a car horn at me, when I take too long at a traffic light. Now I better understand the behavior when I think that this person honking may have a sick child at home they are racing to. Maybe the bank is closing soon and they are rushing to get a bill paid.
My life is easier as a result of applying these rules of perception. I hope they help you.
June 9th, 2008 at 11:57 am
Each year gets better, not sure whether it’s because I learn more how to enjoy things, or it is innate to living, but every year I am impressed with how much better things have gotten for me.
Maybe because I started with nothing and there were no expectations that I would amount to anything.
Also, people get stranger every year.
June 9th, 2008 at 4:37 pm
wow, those are definitely insighteful.
June 10th, 2008 at 9:39 am
those are some great things you’ve learned. and happy birthday.
June 11th, 2008 at 3:23 pm
You forgot the most important one of all that most people never learn: If you expect people to be tolerant of your views, you must be tolerant of theirs. Even if you disagree with them.
June 11th, 2008 at 4:18 pm
What a great list!!
June 12th, 2008 at 2:01 pm
That’s a very good list and I have to say I agree with it… I might be young (18) but there are a few others I’ve learned:
1)We live one day at a time, so enjoy today, even if tomorrow is not promising, what happens tomorrow is yet to come.
2)Never be afraid of showing you care, or you love, it is the one thing we should never have fear of saying.
3)Don’t be afraid to love, it’s the best thing that can happen, and yes, it hurts if it goes wrong, it hurts a lot, but only in love will you know true happiness.
4)The less you have, the more you enjoy.
(this is after spending a semester in which i had 1 week’s worth of clothes, my computer (to stay in touch with family and friends) and my camera, and i have to say, having so few things to worry about made me enjoy the people and not the objects)
5)Life is not fair, but it’s the only one you’ve got, live with it.
6)Age says nothing about how one has lived, it says time spent, not the quality of the time lived.
I hope those are as helpful to others as they’ve been to me,
good luck to all
June 14th, 2008 at 7:19 am
Here is not wisdom that I can even process at one time. Thanks for sharing.
June 23rd, 2008 at 5:27 pm
Mu two cents:
You won’t find the answers you though you’d find when you turn 40; Nevertheless you will be wiser then.
June 24th, 2008 at 8:35 am
Superb list!
Here’s mine.
You will never get what you want through threats.
June 24th, 2008 at 5:44 pm
I’ll be 40 in a year and a half. Better start working on my list!
June 24th, 2008 at 5:58 pm
When I turned 40, its almost a year now, after my birthday it was like the room in my head shifted. I had arrived in some forgotten train station, and I just knew things, from a different perspective. I wrote about on Being 40 on my blog, you should come read it.
I guess, at 40, I have time served, perspective that I did not have before. I became a new man, and nothing has been the same since.
Come read in my PAGES: http://jeremiahandrews.wordpress.com/catholocism/on-being-40/
Cheers, thanks for sharing
Jeremy
June 24th, 2008 at 8:24 pm
Hi there! This is a fantastic compilation of life lessons. If I were to make one, I think I would have come up with something very similar. I’m not 40 yet, in fact I’m only 21, but in my 21 years I’ve been through a lot. The only thing I haven’t done enough of on this list is travel. I hope that soon changes. Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about my age, and I feel a lot older than I am. I’m still in university and the people around me seem so young. I guess the quality of one’s life does indeed age you. Anyway, best wishes all.
June 25th, 2008 at 9:13 pm
You get what you focus on in your life…if you set realistic, positive goals that point towards what you want to achieve in life you will almost always realize them.
June 27th, 2008 at 3:34 pm
Happy 40 years, Mark.
Thats a great list. Am 44 now and thought I shall add some from my experiences.
1. Expect to be hurt by people you help but don’t expect to be helped by people you hurt. Better help than hurt.
2. Loyalty is the strength of the canine. Human beings look at loyalty as weakness. Better not to treat human beings as dogs and dogs as human beings.
3. Flattery gets to you faster than noise. But since they eventually get you , its better to ignore both.
Warm regards
Salty
June 30th, 2008 at 1:25 pm
Hey, Mark. This is fanatastic! Sorry I haven’t dropped by in a while, but I’ve been really busy with studying and work and all. Anyway, considering we’re both experiencing some major perspective re-thinking, although on different levels (i’m pushing 20), I think inspiration is much welcomed. Awesome work, again and happy birthday!
June 30th, 2008 at 3:47 pm
I’m 18 but this post was great, very helpful for me Indeed. I myself even though young have one thing to add on the list and that is “you never know what you have until you lose it”.
July 1st, 2008 at 8:05 am
Awesome post Mark, truly a great read!
July 2nd, 2008 at 1:31 pm
Happy Birthday!! What a wonderful list. As someone who is older then you and who has learnt most things the hard way..and who is interested in pursuing a doctorate….with this in mind I’ll add..
You will never be any younger than you are now so just do it!
You are only too old if you think you are! (…and that can happen at age 30!)
Great site…
All the best,
Capelin
July 3rd, 2008 at 2:22 am
A few of my own as I turn 40 in 2 weeks:
1. Be faithful to your wife, when the whole world is against you she will back you up.
2. All the philosophical dreaming in the world means nothing to your children if you are not spending time with them. turn off the TV and get on the floor (or yard, or wherever) and play with your kids.
3. Believe…yes, but believe in SOMETHING, something real, something noble and good, something that will get you through death, poverty, divorce…just believing is dangerous.
4. To be open-minded is to give room for views you disagree with and even views that you hate…without making it personal. Learn diplomacy.
5. Bring your kids home treats once in a while (and the wife or husband too).
6. When you screw up, admit it, apologize (sincerely), if the person forgives you move on. If not the problem is now theirs…move on.
July 14th, 2008 at 8:43 pm
nice, awesome stuff.
July 31st, 2008 at 12:02 pm
I asked an old man who had accomplished much in his life how he was able to do so much. He smiled and pointed to a small sign on the wall above his desk which said:
If it’s to be…..it’s up to me.
I was a teenager then but I never forgot that motto.
August 3rd, 2008 at 4:27 am
Hello Mark!
Thumb up for number 33…
All the best!
August 10th, 2008 at 4:14 pm
So I’m 21, but I think I’ve learned some key things about life in that time. :)
1. Once someone takes something from you forcefully, it’s extremely hard to enjoy that activity later on.
2. There isn’t really any certain way to “just let things go,” but once you’re finally at that point, it can be the most liberating feeling in the world.
3. There comes a point when, no matter what bad things you’ve been through, you just have to start loving life. It can take work sometimes, but I’ve learned that to love life is one of the best things ever.
4. If you find fun in the smallest of tasks, work goes by so much more quickly.
5. It’s awesome to revert back to kid stuff. . parks, kites, games, etc. Sometimes an afternoon of childlike activities can put you in a good mood for the rest of the week.
6. You really can recycle old term papers.
August 17th, 2008 at 11:20 am
your site is great. I am 40 and one of the hardest thing for me is that I still do not know the meaning of my life! it sucks, because I would like to do something good for humanity. I would hate to die in vain!
life is boring right now,but your site is pretty right on many things. the #4 is very true in my life.
keep up the good work!
God Bless you!
Claude
September 19th, 2008 at 11:23 am
I will be turning 40 in February, and I think the most valuable thing I have learned is:
Don’t blame your shortcomings or temporary failures on anyone else. We make our own decisions, to the best of our abilities, and when things don’t work out the way we want them to, the best thing to do is to see what to change to make them work the way you want them to.
Life hands you as many chances as you need or want to get things right. Just keep going for it and taking them!
October 15th, 2008 at 7:35 pm
Oooo #29 … I am there right now ;)
In my 34 years I’ve learnt (along wt all the above except for 1, 14, 32, 38 which I now know thanks to you!), ~ Things always get better if you think they will
~ Not to feel guilty for playing too much and hardly working or studying much
~ To ignore people who tell me I’m being unrealistic or better still say to them “I know! Isn’t that GREAT!”?
~ Passion, clarity and detachment really are the key..
Thanks Mark, also enjoyed reading about your 1st year as an Entrepreuner (sp!?) and all your lists - LOVE that I can find such cool info in handy list formats.
You rock!!
August 26th, 2009 at 6:56 pm
Hppy birthday, I will be 40 in november and here is my comment.
40 is wierd, you can see where you have been and where you could end up, from here its really a series of choices you can make . I guess you have the experience to make the right descions, but still have that sense of adventure you must keep in check, but what it really come down to is, if you spend time with someone or someones each day then your doing pretty good at this point my friend. Remember when its all over its how much we can take and still stay standing.